Smart Watches are Poop

Excellent Photograph of a Beautiful Instrument
I went in on 'smart' watches a while back. My position has not changed (nor will it, until the product utility improves and/or the price comes down) but it is interesting to know that the products themselves are not proving very popular with consumers. It's almost like people recognize that they are overpriced trash. Weird.

You were probably (not) wondering what a truly smart watch looks like. Any Casio Calculator would be good, and what lack in water resistance is more than made up for by the ability to do maths on a verrrrry tiny keypad and screen. Plus all the ladies will love you.

There are watches that function as an altimeter, watches that are designed to survive the nuclear apocalypse, and watches that just tell the time, but do so very elegantly ($20 for that watch is great).

Thanks to the power of ye olde intertubez it is possible to get small runs of watches made with Miyota movements, such as this affordable model with no branding whatsoever. That's some straight underground shit right there! Robust, classic design in a tidy package sounds very smart to me.

If you want to go upmarket then the Omega Speedmaster Professional (pictured) has a stopwatch and a clever little tachometer on the front. I'm not convinced of the utility of either feature but it's forebear was the first watch on the moon, and it remains the very definition of 'classic design' and still looks the business. Supposedly they use digital watches on all US space missions and have for years but they still bring these analog watches anyway, just in case. I'm not sure I believe that, but it sounds like something you can tell your well heeled associates at your working lunch.

Any one of these remains a better value than a 'smart' watch, so get out there and tell people what time it is.